Episode 6 – Auditions (S9)

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Season 9 auditions continue tonight with a stop in Dallas and tonight we have a guest blogger doing the live recap. Michael Lamp from The Lamp Post Blog will treat you tonight as I attempt to bring you something new..

If you are watching, which I am sure you are, feel free to chat about the show live on the sidebar or leave your thoughts on who your favorites were tonight in a comment.

Don’t forget tonight at 11PM EST is the Idol Radio show hosted by Sir Darryl and Alan Attebery. You can Click Here to tune in and listen. You will even be able to call into the show and some of the comments made here might even make it to the show.

Live Blog Begins Here

Michael Lamp clocking in for another night of real-time Idol zingers thoughts. Here’s hoping Dallas brings more to the table than LA, which was the pit stain of reality television last night. Here we go…

There she is. The one and only Kelly Clarkson. I love her more than words can describe. I also know that no one tonight is likely to bring as much joy to my life as the Clarkson. My expectations are low, way low after last night…

Neil Patrick Harris joins the judges for Day 1 in Dallas. I think Doogie will a great judge. He’s a triple threat himself and I’m sure he’ll bring plenty of Barney sass…

Julie Kevelighan

This hottie audition eight, long years ago and is back to torture us all over again. This time, we’re treated to a particularly stirring renditon of Black Velvet. I will say that she’s aged rather gracefully, though. She looks mostly the same. I just wish that ‘same look’ didn’t boast so much glitter and rouge.

On our way back from commercial we get a peek at some golden ticket recipients. Sadly, we get no such peek at their singing voices, as per usual.

Lloyd “Big Successxy” Thomas

That name alone is destined for super stardom. This is an interesting case. Our first look at this guy had all the trappings of a big ol’ mess, but then we get a look at his wife and little one, all walking down the street looking rather pensive. You know what that means! He’s singing Overjoyed and doing a pretty nice job at it, actually. Simon is a surprisingly huge fan. Randy once again displays his remedial math skills as he casts his vote of  a “million percent” yes.

Next we get a montage of Simon and NPH disagreeing on seemingly ever single audition. Apparently this is the week of the ‘guest judge spat,’ complete this time with old western sound effects. Not kidding.

Kimberly Carver

Oh Lord, another original song. The song is predictably trite, but her voice is really cool. Super jazzy, great range. Simon doesn’t think she’s ‘current.’ We know that just means he doesn’t think she’s purty. And maybe she’s not at this moment in time. Let those over-the-top Idol stylists get a hold of her and she’ll be the next Lil Rounds yet. That might not be the best thing, actually. Despite Simon’s eight grade bullying, she’s through to Hollywood.

Some shots of local news stories covering the Idol auditions, including a .5 second glance at Alexis Grace. We hardly knew ya.

Dexter Ward

After a disturbing amount of camera winking, Dexter meets the judges. Wow. Literally tone deaf. Michael C. Hall’s Dexter kills serial killers, but this Dexter is killing my love of a capella singing, one sharp note at a time. Actually, I think he has the unique skill of singing both sharp and flat at the same time.

We take a look at some crying losers and listen to Taylor Swift telling them all to Breathe.

Ryan checks in with NPH while the rest of the judges take one of their ‘breaks.’

Erica Rhodes

A former Barney cast member! That’s enough for me, frankly. I watched that show for a much longer amount of time than what is acceptable. I was such a cool 4th grader. She’s trying to be edgier in this dominatrix get-up. Erica makes it to Hollywood with a sexy version of Free Your Mind, but I preferred her x-rated version of the Barney theme.

No, you aren’t in the middle of a bad trip. Barney just appeared in the lower right hand corner of your screen. That really just happened.

Look, lots of people with golden tickets!

Dave Pittman

Dave’s walking down the street. Yes! Back story, back story, back story! Dave has Tourette’s Syndrome (sad), which conveniently fades away when he opens his mouth to sing. Dave calls that a miracle, but apparently NPH does not believe in miracles.  He sort of embarrassingly calls Dave out. Simon says people will like Dave, but I get the sense he thinks they’ll only like him because of his handicap. Simon will soon turn on you, Dave. Be warned. See also: Scott McIntyre.

It’s Miley! We get a look at all the folks who made it that we didn’t hear or see, resulting in a mini tantrum from yours truly. At least we get to hear Miley sing about stilettos and memos!

Day 2 begins and Joe Jonas joins the judges in NPH’s absence.

Todrick Hall

Finally, an original song that’s worth a listen. Hilarious lyrics, bonus points for calling Simon a bump on a log, invoking the dead pan single clap from the Cowellster. He’s through to Hollywood

We get a quick glimpse at a few more golden ticket winners. No full audition clips, but at this point I’ll take the few seconds of each person and be thrilled with it. Ah the wonder of severely lowered expectations.

Megan Wright

Hear those ivories being tickled? That tender introduction means Megan either has a debilitating disease, someone in her family has a debilitating disease or there’s something tragic about her yet to be determined. According to Kara, the tragedy is her outfit. Rudey Poo! She’s got a great voice, very vulnerable quality to it.

Remember when Paula used to tell them all how ‘vulnerable’ they sounded? Oh, Paula. You are missed. You and all your semi-lucid ways.

With 8 minutes remaining in tonight’s episode, I feel strongly that Joe Jonas has contributed little to nothing. He looks pretty scared, actually.

Vanessa Johnston

From her screen saver tube top to her hot pink gym shorts, Vanessa is hard lookin’ thing. At least her screechingly out of tune voice fits in nicely with her overall demeanor of…whatever that is. Joe’s feedback? “Wow.” Thanks, for that, Joe. You’re really earning you keep tonight.

We get a little montage, chronicling the’difficult’ life of Simon Cowell, complete with some more Idol clip-art.

Christian Spear

Christian was diagnosed with Leukemia as a child. I feel strongly that Idol shows us only the most tragic stories to make the lives of people like me miserable. How am I supposed to make fun of someone with such a hard life? I guess I usually find a way. Luckily, this girl’s voice is very pretty – not the most memorable – but very pretty.

We get a look at the other 31 people who got golden tickets, a look at next week’s Denver auditions and we’re out. Looks like Posh is back next week, which means we can look forward to comments on peoples “looks” and their “faces.”

Live Blog Ends Here